You’ve pretended to be okay for so long and you’ve pretended your whole life that you don’t need anyone, you’ve got everyone fooled. Your eyes, they shine unconsciously because you’ve fooled them too, you fooled them into thinking you’re happy.Your bright eyes and your beautiful smile hide something. They hide something that haunts you, that follows you. They hide your pain.You can fool your eyes, and you can fool everybody else, and you can even fool yourself. But you don’t fool me.
I want you to moan.. I want you to gasp in my ear, pretending like you’re trying to hide the sound, like you’re trying to smother it, but I still hear it. I want your fingernails to dig into my skin and your lips to move faster and harder and deeper against mine. I want your eyes to roll back in your head and your body to push into mine, until we’re sticking to each other’s skin. I want to feel the heat radiating from your skin, I want to feel your muscles shake against my flesh. I want you to beg and I want you to throw your head back, shuddering for breath. I want your neck to be exposed for me to bite and your chest to be bare so it can be skin on skin, flesh on flesh. I want my legs wrapped around you, I want us to grind on each other so hard it makes your muscles clench and your jaw drop and your face to tense in ecstasy.
When my legs are wrapped around your waist and you’re kissing me so hard like you just can’t get enough of me. Your hands are on my ass and you’re pulling me closer. I can feel your warmth all over my body and I’m enjoying it. Your lips are just meshing with mine and I want more but I know I can’t have you completely. Your breathing intensifies and I can feel your breath on my lips and my neck. Your hands get tangled in my hair and my hands are on your neck, pulling you closer as hard as I can. And I’m trying so hard not to let a little moan slip. Then when we part our lips to breath, you bite your bottom lip and it just makes me attack your lips all over again..
I want you to touch me, everywhere. I want you to rub your hands up and down my body. I want to feel you. I want to put my hand down your boxers and just feel you. I want to hear you moan and see you bite your lip in pleasure. I want you to dig your nails into me and make me bleed. I want you to bite me. I want you to do things to me that people only see in movies. I want you. Completely.
Had we been anywhere else, I would’ve lost all control.
Sometimes, when I’m driving, all I can think about is how good it would feel to crash on a wall or a light post or run off the road and crash (but not hit another car cuz I wouldn’t be able to stand myself if other people died or suffered because of my decision). That’s all I can think about. Sometimes I get so into it that I swerve off into the other side of the road without noticing it. That’s how horrible I feel and that’s how bad I wanna die sometimes.
I need help..
I hope she hurts you. I hope she uses you, like she did with everyone else. I hope she makes you feel like shit. I hope that she makes you feel soo bad that you don’t even want to see her face. I hope she makes you feel as horrible as you made me feel. And I’m a horrible person for wishing it on you. I just wanted you to notice that I REALLY was there for you, that I wouldn’t have hurt you even if you thought otherwise. I want you to know that I genuinely cared about you. I did trust you. I told you what I did the day it happened. I let you visit me. And that’s a very big deal for me.
But secretly I don’t want you to feel like that. There’s a part of me that doesn’t wish it on you. Because I KNOW what it’s like to go to sleep not wanting to wake up the next morning. I know what it’s like to wake up and the first thing you do is cry. I know what it’s like to wake up in the morning and be scared to face the day. I know what it’s like to wake up, exhausted, and just wanna go back to sleep, without actually doing anything. I know what it’s like to put up a front in front of all those people who have never seen you cry then the second you’re alone, the tears start rolling.
In a way, this is all I want you to feel. I want you too feel the betrayal, the pain that I felt. But I care about you too much, so this isn’t what I want for you.
I’ve always wanted to take somebody, anybody, and go to a busy airport and just sit outside and watch the planes leave and land.
Personally I just think it’s amazing. The way an airplane leaves, full of people, all of them leaving family behind, or on their way to meet their families. And you hope everyone gets to the place they wanna go safely and it all depends on the airplane not failing and on the pilot doing a good job.
I like to fantasize about my wedding and my dress and my life as a wife and a mom even though, I’m 99% sure I’m never gonna make it that far.
I like somebody. Somebody I shouldn’t like. None of my friends know. It’s my dirty little secret ;)